1. |
To have without holding
03:33
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I can make you doubt
I can’t make you doubt
ready set go, ready set who knows
I can’t do it, you say it’s killing me,
but you thrive, but you glow on the street like a neon raspberry
I can’t do it, I can’t, you say it’s killing me.
but you thrive, on the street
you glow, on the street like a neon raspberry.
I can make you doubt
I can’t make you doubt
ready set go, ready set who knows
Blunt knives then sharp knives,
blunt knives then sharp knives.
go again, go again, thwack like rubber bands in an open palm
it hurts to love
it hurts to love wide open.
Of grab, of clutch, it hurts to thwart the reflexes
to love and let and go again, and again. Again, and again.
it pesters to remember the lover who is not in bed
to hold back what is owed, what is owed
not in bed
again and again, again and again.
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2. |
Under red aries
02:17
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I am still trying to change you
we are cut from the same cloth, you say,
and what material
I love you from my bones out,
impulses rising far down
in the molten core, in the moist
I am still trying to change you
we are cut from the same cloth, you say,
and what material
I love you from the center of my life pulsating
like a storm on the sun shooting out arms
I love you from the center like a storm on the sun
shooting out arms of fire with power
I am still trying to change you
we are cut from the same cloth, you say,
and what material
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3. |
Intruding
02:25
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What are you doing up my cat
complains as I come into
room at two in the morning
is making eyes, making eyes
You are too near to my nest so
let you believe you can catch and eat me
lead me through the thorniest thickets uphill
as it drags its apparently broken wing
This is my lair
this is my home
my piss-post, my good brown blanket
(voracious furnace of shrew darts in the grass like a truncated snake
The price of seeing is silence.)
My tongue is red as your blood I will spill if you do not run
my tongue is red as your blood I will spill if you do not run
wherever I march on two legs I’m walking a roof
wherever I march on two legs I’m walking a roof
The blue jay shrieks and the squirrels over my head chittering
the blue jay shrieks and the squirrels over my head chittering
on my arm a woodnymph lights probing
curious, faint,
as she opens and closes the tapestried doors of flight
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4. |
UATH: May apple
03:04
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Alone
small white flowers
I find old fears preserved like hiking boots
at the bottom of the closet
my feet having shaped them just to perfect fit
and eight years later I set off
I become nocturnal, my eyes glow
The moist rich parts of me contract
What stands up is strong
what stands up is strong
the savory troubles, all ears and teeth.
eyes alter us, by their observant gaze
alone
we are never the same after
the self, the other, hanging
the mirror at least innocent
twigs snipped off the tree
I touch myself often and then less as my
dreams darken into stained glass
state of my cats and they are neither in heat
nor pregnant but predators, players
sitting paws contemplate laws
sitting paws contemplate mathematical laws
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5. |
BETH: At the well
04:24
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Though I'm blind now and age has gutted me
knotted up in a leather sack
I have wrestled with an angel
It happened near that well by Peniel
where the water runs copper and cold
even in drought, sore and dusty
I was traveling my usual rounds
wary of strange men
Strange strange strange strange
The angel struck me
My dust-stained gristle of a body
was pushed against him
his fiery chest fell through me like a star
Raw with bruises, my muscles sawing
I thought that fighting could be like making love
Then in the gray placental dawn I saw
Said, I know you now on a tree of fire
whatever you are
whatever you are I’ve won a blessing from you
From you, from you, from you
My gifts have human faces
hieroglyphs that command
you with out yielding what they mean
cast yourself and I will bless your cast
till your bones are dice
I am the demon of beginnings
Get away from me, get away from me
Get away from me, my old enemy
my friend, my twin, my lover
I trusted as the fish in the water
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6. |
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How often have I leapt
how often burned
my hair wakened to weep ashes
I have said, love is a downer
love is a bastard
Trembling mercury laying
on waves in the highway
to the full roaring furnace of sun at zenith year
Come into the fire, come in.
fire that burns the leaves
the silver flame
How often have I leapt
Congress in slow motion put me back
I found my body in
Kaleidoscope where glass
and woke in flesh alive
I was hung of flesh
my own five hound senses
under a tar roof
Dance through me as I through you
here in the heart
our cells are burning
each a little furnace.
this night the sun and moon dance with you
and I dance in the fire
of which we are the logs, the matches and the flames
the matches and the flame
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7. |
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Bursting their bags on our heads
you give and give too much
like summer days limp with heat
thunderstorms as we salt and pickle and freeze
Give to your red cross
beg on the highroads please,
take my zucchini
zucchini tempura, creamed soup,
sautéed with olive oil and cumin
baked, marinated
Get rid of old friends, they too have gardens and full trucks
Look for newcomers, befriend them in the post office
And thus the people did sacrifice themselves
to the long green phallic god
and eat and eat and eat and eat
they’re coming
they’re on us
the silky babies
the lumpy vast adults
look for newcomers
unload on them and run
and run and run and run
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8. |
RUIS: The longest night
03:35
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My blood tastes salty and rusty
I sense death, death lurking like a feral dog
Defeat, defeat, defeat
New moon, no moon, old moon dying
old moon dying
This blood seeping as from weakness
I feel summoning me summoning
I might crawl, I might crawl into this pit here
Defeat, defeat, defeat
this pit here
New moon, moon that gives no light
no moon, moon that gives no light
Wheels of the freight clacking by
snow hisses on the windshield of the rental car
the factory is still. The machines, the machines
I lean on the cold wheel
Stones breaking stones in the rearview mirror
my dark eyes, holes a rat might hide in
FBI binoculars
lady it’s been worse, bad as the moon burning
Tonight I honor you
lady of the black moon
here at the stone I learn my song
at the stone I learn my song
I have run twice as fast
tunnel through the
tunnel through
night goes on and on
night goes on and on
(egg anonymous)
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Marie Songer Bellingham, Washington
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